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wanted: prayer warriors [26 Mar 2009|11:48am]

halos two months na lang, board exams na ng nursing. the announcement was, june 6 and 7 ang nursing board exams. we're all attending review classes since yesterday, and from the looks of our schedule, we'd more likely be at school for 7 days in one week, except on rare occasions when we'll be allowed a day off..

super daming kailangang aralin in so little a time. our college is aiming for a 100% passing rate for our batch in the coming june 2009 board exams and we are hoping that many of us would land on the topnotcher spots. ciempre, isa na ako sa mga taong nag-aaspire nun. actually, the thing that initially sparked my motivation to become a board topnotcher was when i saw the pictures of last year's board topnotchers printed on this large tarpaulin hung right outside our building. naisip ko nun sa sarili, "wow ang galing naman nila. parang gusto ko rin na maprint sa tarp ung maganda kong grad pix from colorpoint (ahahaha, biased.)" so that was when my dream was born.

pero as many of you know, wala talaga akong nadevelop na study habits, and more often than not, inaatake ako ng katamaran at procrastination syndrome. actually hindi ko rin alam kung paano ako nagsurvive sa nursing by giving just barely enough effort. i know that perhaps, i was promoting a culture of mediocrity by doing that, pero tamad lang talaga akong mag-aral dahil hindi priority sakin ang acads and to get good grades. i used to be contented with getting passing marks.

pero this time around, naisip ko na parang it might be nice na mageffort ako ng konti and strive to excel. i know i can do it, basta't napupush ako to the right direction. kaya please, im asking you as a friend, sana po tulungan nio naman po ung batch namin na magpray na sana maka100% passing rate ang ust sa boards this coming june. chaka sana po, tulungan nio ako na ipagpray na sana maging board topnotcher din ako (yes, ang taas ng pangarap. hahahaha.) kasi parang maganda na maprint sa newspaper ung name ko. hahaha, ang babaw ng dahilan. hindi, joke lang. i want to do this kasi ciempre, pride and honor un for my parents chaka most importantly, kay god. kaya i am asking po sana for your help to pray for all our petitions. sana po tulungan nio kami sa pagheheaven storming para magrantni god ung prayers namin.

ngaun pa lang po, nagpapasalamat na po ako because you took the time to read this blog. and if you'll consent to become a prayer warrior and to help me pray for our cause, then i shall be eternally grateful for your help, time and effort.

5 /:/ come out /

i lost both my phones this week.. [21 Mar 2009|07:06am]

yes, i did.

they were both stolen, along with my id, and 5-days' worth of allowance...

isnt that nice? surprisingly, im not as upset about the loss as i know i should be. actually, many of my friends thought i was crazy, or in a prolonged state of shock or whatever because i was still smiling and laughing immediately after it happened.

see, i was typing and edting my prc forms at nitro hub. i was even a little sick (okay, that was an understatement..ako na ang umuubo at sinisipon na parang wala ng bukas.) all the things i lost was placed in this lacoste coin purse wallet thing that my tatay gave me last christmas...(shoot! i forgot to tell tatay that i lost that too.)

so anyway, in my stressed out, sickly state and in my determination to finish editing my prc forms, i didnt even notice that somebody just  took it from my lap. o diba? yan ata ang nagagawa ng ubo at sipon. at sobrang stress sa prc forms. hehehehe.. i guess ang talagang pinanghihinayangan ko is the fact that i lost ALL MY CONTACTS! as in lahat lahat LAHAT ng contacts ko since waaaaay back in highschool. T.T

so please patulong naman po. here's my new cel number : 09275790519...patext naman po ako and please include your names para naman po maretrieve ko ung mga contacts ko. i think ang lesson na dapat kong matutunan in all this is: dapat isinusulat ang mga contacts in a seperate number or address book para kahit anong mangyari sa phone, hindi naman ako kailangang macut-off from my friends and family...hay grabe na talaga toh...please po, pasend na lang. =)

1 /:/ come out /

what does your birthday say about you? [17 Mar 2009|11:06am]
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

/ come out /

for all of you who remembered... [28 Feb 2009|12:33pm]

i want you to know how  much i appreciate all that you did.

  • god super thank you! for the gift of life, love, friendship, family, faith and health. thank you for 21 years worth of blessings and graces you've given me. and thank you for always being by my side. i am blessed with more gifts and blessings than i could ever fully articulate and appreciate. ang daming blessings na binigay mo na kahit ako, hindi ko laging napapansin. pero hindi ka pa rin tumitigil magbigay, magmahal at mag-alaga. thank you for blessing me with such an amazing life full of laughter, love and lessons.
  • especially you, nikki!!! love, thank you for making coming up with this idea. im not sure you know, or maybe you do, but i really love small things..just small gestures. simple ones. and this definitely fit the bill. thank you thank you thank you po talaga. alam mo, hindi naman talaga na-spoil ni eliza ung surprise kasi hindi ko inakala na ganun ung makikita ko inside the box. para ciang collection ng most of the people that i've met for the past four years of our college life. i cant believe that it's been almost four years since we met, and as we journeyed through college together, we've met quite a lot of interesting people and we've established reallyfriendships with a lot of amazing people. not just in nursing, but also from other colleges. i love you. thanks for being such a great friend for the past 4 years. im sure that the four years i've spent (suffered?) in college would have been much harder and less colorful if you had not been a part of it. im a much much MUCH better person now, primarily because of you. and i love you, love!
  • to my yfc family,thank you everyone for helping me end my college years with a BANG! as in bonggang bonggang BANG ang fourth year ko because of you guys. among you, i felt how close i was to god and that god had always wanted me to feel happy and loved. yfc had not only made me closer to HIM, but also, closer to my fellowmen. you all have given me an opportunity to show the world how proud i am to belong to our family, and how proud i am that i've chosen to stand and live for god. so even if i wasnt really able to get to know you all a lot longer, and i wasnt able to spend more time with all of you, many of you played a role into helping me become not only a better person for myself, but also a better child of god for others. you all have showed what love, passion, and commitment truly meant and many of you have inspired me to become the best nurse i could possibly be. so that through me, more and more people would be able to know our god and how great He is. at sa lahat ng nagtext sakin kanina, thank you po talaga. sorry kung hindi ko alam ung numbers nung iba sa inyo. pero i really really really appreciate your greetings. thank you po talaga.
  • to the yfc-nursing household,awww...guys, thank you for everything. lalo na sa last household natin na "ni-surprise" ako for my birthday. super thank you talaga...pero word of advice, kung gusto nio talaga magpull-off ng matinong surprise, wag isali si eliza sa plano!cia na ang dakilang BUKINGERA! hahaha, peace eli! i love you! passion awardee ka naman kahapon. pero bibinggo ka na talaga kay nikki. i-spoil daw ba ang surprise (hahaha...ginatungan pa talaga.) basta super thank you sa mga bonding moments, on and off household. thank you for keeping a lot of stuff i've shared with you, on and off household din. basta circle of trust ha...kuya neil, salamat sa pagbati nung rev night.adik ka talaga.. porke may mic powers ka lang nung gabing un...
  • to my present and previous duty-mates, thank you po for the endless kulitan and tawanan natin sa wards, sa special areas, sa OR and DR completions and the short precious moments we got to spend kahit hindi duty. thank you po talaga. mas sumaya ang duty dahil sa inyong lahat. dahil sa inyong lahat, as in mas masarap pumasok ng super aga, pumasok kahit super init sa tanghali pag afternoon shift, at magpuyat ng bonggang bongga pag night shift. salamat sa kwentuhan, informal joharri's window pag walang magawa sa ward, at sa mga mind games na laging hindi ako kasama ("pupunta ako sa looooong trip, magdadala ako nnnnnnnnggggg....") ewan..ang slow ko magets tong game na toh. hahaha...pero super saya kasi ang sarap niong kakwentuhan, ang sarap niong katulong magbuhat ng patients, at ang kulit niong kausap pag wala na taung magawa sa wards. sa rle 9.2,aww...super extended na ang bonding moments natin sa ward. from female surgery hanggang del pilar, talagang nistalk nio ang rle namin. hahaha...talagang love nio kami. love ko rin kau! salamat sa mahabang kwentuhan pag night duty, salamat sa tawanan sa students room at salamat sa nakakaaliw na duty sa walang kamatayang female surgery...hahaha. dahil sa inyo, medyo ok lang sakin na umulit kami ng duty sa fsw. hahaha. sa rle 7.4, hi guys! tayo na ang naging close sa mainit, magulo at maingay na fsw. sabay taung nagsimula magnight duty, mag shifting sa ward at magfeeling independent nurses. salamat sa super advanced nio pagbati ng happy birthday nung feb 13...kung alam nio lang kung gaano nio ako pinasaya nung day na un. i was really amused. not because you guys made a mistake pero something more than that...hahahaha..thanks for being such great friends. kahit hindi na tayo magkakasama sa ward, salamat sa pagbati when we meet each other sa corridors. padz, hoy kulit pants!!!bigay mo na ung certificate ko...1 buwan na ang nakalipas ah. wag mong sabihin na isasabay mo sa grad ung certificate ko. tsk..
  • joyce, janea, ralph at kielrai-sun,thank you guys for being part of our extended rle...ang saya na biglang lumaki ang bilang ng rle namin. at super nakakatuwa kaung kasama. buti nakakasabay kau sa trip at topak ng rle namin. hahaha...alam kong medyo may pagkaweird kami at para kaming toddlers mag-isip at kumilos...lalo na ako..hahaha, ako na ang hindi nagkikilos mature. sorry kung ang kulit at ang weird ko madalas. thank you for listening and sharing stories with me. kielrai-sun, hahaha..ikaw na ang makulit. kahit kinidnap mo ang wallet ko, nabawi mo naman kasi hinabol mo pa ako sa espana.hahaha...alam mo, ang cute mo pag sinasabihan mo akong i love you. i love you rin sun.
  • sa family ko, thank you for bearing with me. alam kong super lahat kau eh gustong umalis tau today at magenjoy dahil birthday ko. mga gustong magmall, magswimming, manood ng You Changed My Life, magrestau-hopping sa MOA, etc etc...pero thank you kasi pinagbigyan nio ako na dito na lang muna tau sa bahay.
  • supah twin!!!ikaw na ang kachat ko buong araw (halos). super thank you for keeping me company. salamat sa chocolate cake!hahaha...favorite ko talaga toh. at ito ang favorite gift na gusto kong makuha pag birthday ko. so super thank you talaga. ikaw na ang fairygod mother ko. thanks for listening to me, sa mahahabang bonding moments natin, sa intense private moments nating dalawa at sa pagbear ng walang kamatayang pang-iissue ko sa inyo ni the-whole-world-know-who! hahaha..love you twin. alam mo, nafefeel ko talaga na kung ipinanganak akong lalaki 21 years ago, tayong dalawa sana ang soul mates!im sure many would agree, and you would too. actually, you already did. hahaha. kasi naman diba?oh well, may plan si god sating dalawa. siguro nga we're better off as twin souls than soul mates.and eventually, madidiscover natin how true that is. god's plans are always better than we could ever comprehend...
  • sa rlemates ko, ang weird nio..hati ang grupo...ung iba, bumati. ung iba hindi. sa mga bumati, salamat ng sobra at naalala nio. ung mga hindi, ok lang rin. basta dapat kumpleto tau sa march 4 ha..birthday rin ni merly un. bawal absent...
  • cocabobs, busy na tayong lahat. at alam kong malas ang birthday ko this year dahil natapat sa weekend before the exams nating mga graduating. so sa mga bumati, thank you ng sobra. sa mga hindi...ok lang rin. i understand. goodluck sa mga finals nio, sa thesis , sa reports and seemingly insurmountable paperworks. kayang kaya nio yan..cocabobs ata tayo. rest assured that you all are always in my prayers..i love you all. i hope to see you all soon. super uhaw na uhaw na ako for an UBE kaya lang loser face ng schedule ng nursing. patayan talaga..holy week lang ang pahinga. right after grad, may review agad...grrr...oh well, magkakadikit naman ang spirits natin so kahit magkakalayo tau, magkakasama pa rin. ay labo. parang mga mumu...hahaha. ok lang. cute mumus naman tau.  
  • marc at rupert, salamat sa pagbati kanina. ang cute niong dalawa. nagulat ako na magkakasama kau nina pep kanina. hahaha. thanks thanks. ingatan nio mga kabarkada ko ha...
  • jana banana, thank you sa bonggang greeting. hahahaha, ikaw na ang magaling. imagine, buong family mo, binati ako. thank you talaga. pasabi na rin sa kanila na super thank you...i love your family. at sana nga magkatotoo ung birthday wish mo for me...pinagdadasal ko rin un ng sobra...hahahaha
  • paolo, thanks sa bati...ikaw unang bumati sakin online. at ikaw lang ang kausap ko nung actual birth minute ko. actually, ikaw na ang umaway sakin sa birth minute ko. oh well, thanks for everything. at sori kung tunog lagi kitang sinesermonan. i'll watch out for that na lang. 
  • kay ef, ang unang taong bumati sakin ng belated happy birthday. hahaha...last year, ikaw ung nagtext sakin ng sakto sa birth minute ko. pero this year, late ka ng 6  minutes. hahahaha...ok lang yun eh...salamat sa effort at sa sentiment na gusto mong ikaw ang huling babati. hahaha. ok lang un eh.
  • kay chel at pepot, hindi ko tlaga nareceive ung texts nio. pero thanks pa rin kasi nabati nio pa rin ako. i love you two! take care of each other. love ko kaung dalawa! sorry kung lagi akong overanalyzing blah blah shit...i know it's driving you nuts. it's starting to drive me crazy too. im working at changing this...
  • at sa lahat ng nakaalala, thank you so much!!!


tribute toh sa lahat ng nagsulat sa mga mini birthday cards na pakulo ni nikki. super thank you talaga.

[o diba, kahit konti, meron pa rin akong artistic talent...kinder level nga lang. pero at least meron pa rin.]

thank you everyone!!!

definitely one of the best birthdays ever!!!

you guys are the best!



/ come out /

slow me down [23 Feb 2009|05:16am]


never had a song been this close to echoing the hidden secrets of my life...it's a beautiful song, not just because of the ethereal voice of emmy rossum, but more significantly (for me that is) because of how simply and how honestly the lyrics express emmy's own inner turmoils.

Rushing and racing and running in circles
Moving so fast I'm forgetting my purpose
Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
Getting nowhere

My head and my heart are colliding chaotic
Pace of the world I just wish I could stop it
Try to appear like I've got it together
I'm falling apart

im sure that many of my batchmates would agree when i say that time seems to be running in hyperspeed lately. parang kelan lang, kakasimula lang natin ng college...mga mukha at ugaling highschool pa tayo nun. marami satin ang nanonood pa noon ng cartoons, disney movies, at anime. actually, marami pa rin namang nanonood ng mga ganun ngaun. ako, aminado ako na ang isa sa mga sinusubaybayan kong palabas sa tv is phineas and ferb sa disney channel.

back then, i've always thought back then that i have plenty of time to enjoy and make the most of my college life. i have FOUR YEARS and back then i thought it was a lot of time. but now that i pause and allow reality to sink in, i realized that those four years are almost up and i'd soon be graduating. (in a little over a month, i might add...) everything is happening so fast. parang kakasimula lang ng fourth year. parang kelan lang, gumagawa pa kami ng thesis. parang kelan lang ung first night duty namin sa female surgery ward...parang kahapon lang ung nursing week, our last paskuhan, our last class picture. ilang days na lang, final examinations na and immediately after that, we'll have to go through the grueling clearances and finishing our requirements and PRAYING TO GOD ALMIGHTY NA SANA DUMAMI ANG MANGANAK IN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS PARA MAKUMPLETO NA NAMIN ANG DR CASES NAMIN!

Save me
Somebody take my hand and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
Cause I'm ready to fall

Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flies by
I need you to slow me down


Ang bilis ng mga pangyayari. pero ang pinakamabilis sa lahat is ung processing ng visa ko. imagine, we submitted my application for interview just this monday. tapos wala pang one week, hala, may sched na ako agad ng interview. at hindi lang basta sched, in TWO WEEKS time, haharap nako sa isang taong hindi ko kilala at kukumbinsihin ko cia na kailangan nia akong bigyan ng visa dahil wala ng trabaho for nurses dito sa pilipinas. i mean, let's not kid ourselves...nung nagjob fair nga, grabe! there were two hospitals na kasama, pero isa lang naman ung may opening for nurses...eh saan naman kaya kami mag-aapply? sa call centers? sa jolibee? sa kumpanyang namimigay ng libreng usb? hahaha...kumusta naman ang kapalaran ng nurses dito sa pilipinas?

Sometimes I fear that I might disappear
In the blur of fast forward I falter again
Forgetting to breathe
I need to sleep
I'm getting nowhere

WALA!!! WALA TALAGA KAMING PAG-ASANG YUMAMAN DITO...NOT UNLESS SESWERTEHIN KAMI SA LOTTO. (grabe, ang swerte nung dalawang nanalo na un. alam mo,kahit 2 silang maghahati, ok lang kasi malaki naman ang paghahatian nila. gosh, ang sarap siguro na makakuha ng ganung kalaking money ng walang kahirap hirap. pag nanalo ka sa lotto, para ka lang binigyan ng super laking allowance ng magulang mo. grabe talaga.)

then before i know it, i'd be marching in the carpetted floor of PICC for our graduation (assuming na papasa ako sa polsci...pesteng polsci talaga toh!!! feelingerang major!) and soon enough, we'd be drilled into a relentless review program to pursue the goal of a 100%passing in the nursing board exams. aarrghhh, expectations!

expectations make me feel itchy all over. weird...

kaya nga ito ang bagong lss ko ngaun...

slow me down by emmy rossum

it's nice to know na hindi lang pala ako ang nakakaramdam na naghahyperspeed ang life once in a while. siguro normal phase un na pagdadaanan ng lahat ng tao. actually, feel ko nga, luging lugi na ako sa time. those who are close to me know that i was accelerated from childhood to adulthood. hahaha...no joke...nilaktawan ko ang normal developmental stage ng adolescence so that i could be a mother figure to my younger siblings, or my kidz as i fondly call them. im not really regretting the choices i made, nor do i feel bitter that i've missed out on what might have been the most exciting and most ehr, youthful part of life.

All that I've missed I see in the reflection
Pass me while I wasn't paying attention
Tired of rushing, racing and running
I'm falling apart

nagpakalatebloomer na lang ako. nakikisabay na lang ako ngaun sa adolescent phase ng mga kapatid kong high school. hahaha...alam ko na wala na ako sa age bracket ng adolescent...eh bakit ba...late bloomer nga eh. better late than never diba? at least, naeexperience ko na cia ngaun. mejo weird nga lang kasi halos lahat ng friends ko eh lumampas na sa stage na toh, tapos ako, ngaun pa lang nagsisimula. hahaha...ang warped ng time frame ng buhay ko.


Tell me
Oh won't you take my hand and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
Cause I'm ready to fall

Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flies by
I need you to slow me down

oh well, mangyayari naman ang lahat ng bagay in god's plan and in His perfect time. siguro, what might be fast for me is just the right speed for His plan to work. sometimes, all it takes is faith na rin, to believe that everything happens for a reason, and that god would never lead us to anything detrimental or doom-ish. sometimes, the greatest test of faith is ung maniniwala at magtitiwala ka ng buong buo kahit na in the dark ka sa lahat ng plans Nia for you. siguro, it's just my human imperfections craving for someone to slow me down, kasi lahat ata ng tao, ayaw madaliin ang buhay nila kasi we all have desires to live forever, or maybe just long enough to experience life in its fullness. oh well...whatever. this is just me and my brains overreading and overanalyzing yet again.

The noise of the world is getting me caught up
Chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it
Just need to breathe
Somebody please
Slow me down


can somebody please help my brain find a new hobby! feel ko nabubwisit na sakin ung mga kaclose ko dahil sa overanalyzing compulsions ng utak ko eh...desperate thinker speaking here! thanks.



/ come out /

ginugulo mo ang utak ko. [21 Feb 2009|10:00am]

you play havoc in my mind and you're close to driving me crazy. seriously...

naguguluhan talaga ako sayo. alam mo, magaling ako usually makaintindi ng tao. i usually find it easy to understand why they say and act the way they do. pero ikaw, whew! ibang klase ka talaga. ang hirap mong basahin.

nakakafrustrate na nakakaexcite na nakakacurious ka kasi...ewan ko sayo. malabo na siguro tayong dalawa. pero alam ko na mas malabo ka. kasi kahit ung obvious na, hindi mo pa rin nakikita. halos nakasampal na sa mukha mo, hindi mo pa rin ata nararamdaman.


ay ewan...bahala ka sa buhay mo!

/ come out /

hindi ako makapaniwala na siya ang ka-date ko ng valentine's day... [14 Feb 2009|10:23am]

ang weird...

ang cute...

ang saya...

and totally extraordinary.



nagtataka ka kung sino siya noh?

hehehe, si val ang kadate ko ng valentine's day. ang kulit diba? buong araw kami magkasama. as in from 8 am until 9:30 pm magkasama kaming dalawa. binigyan ko nga siya ng rose eh at dinalhan ko pa siya ng lunch. o diba, parang boyfriend lang. sabi ko nga sa kanya, "alam mo , kung naging lalaki lang ako, tayo na talaga ang magsoulmates"

kasi totoo talaga. ung tawagan naming "supah twins" goes beyond the fact na magkabody built kami at parehas kami ng hairstyle. as in super twin souls talaga kami. nagkakaintindihan kami on so many levels and on so many aspects. as in literal na twin souls talaga kami. ung mga bagay na never ever mong sasabihin sa iba mong friends, napagkukwentuhan namin ng walang alinlangan. parang wala kami maciadong hinohold back sa isa't isa kasi alam namin na totally naiintindihan namin ung isa't isa. we could talk about stuff that we would never even dream of sharing with our other friends.

then bago kami umuwi, nagdinner muna kami together. o diba, parang date lang talaga. ganun talaga eh...hindi pa kami nabibiyayaan ng boylet na pwede naming maging kadate for valentines day kaya kaming dalawa na lang muna. super saya naman kasi ang dami naming pinagkwentuhan. ang therapeutic niang kasama. kasi lahat ng bagay na usually kinikimkim ko lang sa sarili ko, i get to share with her. she's smart, understanding and sensitive. ung tipong,hindi mo kailangang magpaliwanag ng sobrang haba para maintindihan ka nia.


kaya sa mga boys jan na naghahanap ng ideal girlfriend, si val na lang ang hanapin nio. mabait, matalino, masarap magluto at matulungin talaga. at isa pa, loyal toh to the max. hehehe...nirereto ko na ung friend ko. super hindi kay magsisisi sa kanya. siya ung tipo na ng babae na pwede mo ng ipakilala sa parents mo. o cia, naku, patay ako pag nalaman nia na ineendorse ko cia sa multiply.


argh...inaantok nako. it had been a long and tiring day...kahit masaya siya, super drained na ako intellectually, emotionally at physically. ciao for now. =)

/ come out /

birthday ko raw today... [13 Feb 2009|10:37am]

sa mga bumati (lalo na mga tagasection 4-7)...salamat.


kanina ko lang nalaman na feb. 13 na pala ang birthday ko. akala ko nung una, joke lang un. pero nung binigyan na ako nina michael ng card, ( which was in reality the cute little card things you put on gifts...) dun ko narealize na seryosong may nagsabi sa kanila na birthday ko. ang cute nio naman...sino ba ang nagsabi sa inyo na birthday ko today? pakisabi sa informant nio, advanced siya mciado. try nio ulit bumati in two weeks. tatama na kayo ng timing. pero thanks anyway. nakakatuwa ang simula ng araw ko dahil sa inyo. thank you talaga.

actually, this day had really been a lot of fun. ang dami kasing nakaprepare na mga activities for the students.

 ang cute ng doggies na sumali sa pet-sonality. lalo na si alvin, ung pet ni sir earl sumile...ang bibo-bibo nia. 3 months old pa lang kasi. pagkaakyat pa lang nila sa stage, lahat na halos ng dogs na kayang maabot ni alvin, nilapitan na niya. ang cute cute CUTE talaga. nakakagigil.

then nung 12-1, merong love acoustic chorva thing wherein bands/groups from within the nursing community got to perform. ang galing ng group nina faith. sila ung unang group na nagperform eh. actually, we already heard them practicing yesterday afternoon kasi nagshare kami ng classroom nung afternoon. ang ganda ng boses ni faith and of course, ang galing rin nung band(david, paolo, rafael, and two other persons na hindi ko kilala...). as in hindi mo mapipigilan na tumigil sa ginagawa mo at makinig na lang. i was actually in the middle of proofreading the consti while they were practicing. pero aminado ako na pag nagsimula na silang tumugtog, lumilipad na talaga ung utak ko at napapakinig na lang ako sa kanila. napapakanta pa nga ako eh. super galing.

bale kanina, 3 songs ung tinugtog nila: Panalangin, LIgaya  chaka Torete. medyo unexpected nga ung third number kasi ang alam ko, ung first two songs lang ung kakantahin nila. pero at the end of the 2nd song, the crowd was clamoring for more, which the group obliged kaya nagkaroon ng 3rd number. masaya talaga. nakakatuwa. happy day din ito para kay supah twin at jeff kasi finally, natapos na rin ung consti. thank you god at natapos rin cia...at least natapos na rin ang isa sa pinakamabigat na kalbaryo ni supah twin.

i also met two new friend today. mga freshmen na sina herielle at afu..para kaming mga bangag kanina. tawa kami ng tawa kahit sa mga super kababawang bagay na lang. feel ko dahil un sa walang habas na pagsinghot namin ng silver glitters sa org room. the entire round table was liberally sprinkled by glitters so feel ko nasinghot na namin un ng bonggang bongga. kaya ang saya. they're new found friends pero parang ang tagal na namin nagtatawanan together. si jeff nga, hindi na nakarelate sa kakatawa namin eh so dun na lang siya kay val sumama (yikoi..hehehe, it's the day before valentines after all. ang saya mang-issue. )

anyway, off to bed with me na. masaya pero nakakapagod talaga. papasok pa ulit kami ng 8 am bukas to make the panel board thingees. yeah, what a way to spend valentine's day diba? ok lang. single awareness day na naman ako ulit this year. pero thankful ako kasi at least, in doing extra stuff to help val out, i get to meet new and interesting people each day. it's nice to meet and make friends.

all in all, i think today is one of the best "birthdays" i've ever had. im so blessed.

/ come out /

21 days of rai-ness (Day 19) [09 Feb 2009|10:24am]

konti na lang talaga, lalabasan na ako ng symptoms. as in nafefeel kong malapit na malapit na. with all the stress that's coming my way recently, both physically and emotionally, i feel that i couldn't hold on much longer. minsan kasi, talagang malapit na akong mabaliw. i find myself crying on odd places dahil sa sobrang galit, dahil sa sobrang pagod, dahil sa sobrang inis.

diba dapat laging may balance sa buhay natin. oo nga, hindi maiiwasan na may dumating na mga problema. parte talaga yan ng buhay. at kailangan silang harapin. pero the thing is, usually, kahit anong unos ang dumating sa mga buhay natin, laging may pangcounter balance na mga aspeto. with every bad thing that happens, laging merong good thing na kasabay or kasunod un to even things out. dapat diba ganun?lahat ng tao, nangangailangan ng pinanghuhugutan ng lakas para harapin ung mga pagsubok na dumarating sa buhay nila. ung mga taong may problema sa pamilya, sa mga kaibigan tumatakbo for support. ung mga may problema naman sa kaibigan, sa pamilya nakakahanap ng kakampi. kasi your friends and family will always be your constant and unfailing source of happiness, strength and support. sila ung mga taong maaasahan mong mahal ka talaga athindi ka iiwan sa ere. sila ung mga tao na pag dumating ka sa point na akala mo pinagbagsakan ka na ng langit at lupa, sila ung pwede mong takbuhan.

pero anung gagawin mo kung ang pamilya at mga kaibigan mo pa mismo ung mga dahilan ng mga paghihirap na dinaranas mo? paano kung sila pa minsan ung hindi nakakaappreciate sayo? paano kung sila pa mismo yung nagiging kunsumisyon sa pang-araw araw mong buhay? paano kung sila pa ung mga tao na hindi nagpapahalaga sayo, na nakikita ka lang kapag may kailangan sayo, pero bulag sa lahat ng attempts mo na ipakita sa kanila na you care for them?

diba ang hirap, ang sakit. talagang nakakapagod. ung tipong, andun ka na sa point na kahit gusto mo silang intindihin, gusto mo silang alagaan, sila pa ung nagagalit sau. tapos may mga moments na may ginagawa ka para sa kanila, pero hindi man lang un nakikita...ung tipong ang dami dami mong sinasakripisyo para lang unahin ung kapakanan nila, tapos in the end, sila pa ung mga bumabalewala sau. hindi ba nakakabaliw un? parang pakiramdam mo, lalo ka lang napapagod. kasi ako, pagod na pagod na.

actually, exhausted is too mild a word to describe how i feel right now. feel ko, andun na ako sa point na malapit na akong maging apathetic. as in promise....imnsan nawawalan na ako ng gana. nawawala na ung dating vigor ko. dati, napakadali sakin ang ngumiti, napakadali sakin tumulong sa mga tao. napakadali sakin magmahal. kaya lang, kapag talagang andun ka na sa last vestiges of strength mo, pakiramdam mo talagang wala ka ng maibigay. and you'll feel a sort of bitter regret dahil hindi ka man lang nagtira ng kahit konting pagmamahal at respeto para sa sarili mo. inubos mo lahat ng lakas at pagmamahal mo sa mga tao na hindi ka naman inaappreciate, kaya ayan tuloy, anong natira para sayo. diba wala?



/ come out /

21 days of rai-ness (Day 20) [08 Feb 2009|07:08am]

The most painful love there is, is the love left unshown
A love that cannot be expressed, affection left unknown
The love that withholds touching, afraid of what it would say 
And the most painful thing about unexpressed love is... it never fades away
                 --Susan Polis Schutz


February 8. today is the birthday of one of the persons i have loved so much. pero he passed away a few years back, so there...

no need to feel sorry. i've always believed that the birthdays of the people i care about are special days, because it reminds me of how grateful i am that they were born in this world. birthdays are the times that i feel how lucky i am that i've met those people, because without them, i'm certain that i wouldn't be the same person.

anyway, he and i had quite a rough time together( but i think to put it that way is a gross understatement.) with him i experienced what i think was the highest and the lowest points of my life.

with him, i knew what true love meant...






it was hard to accept that he was gone. back then, i thought i would never recover. i thought the pain would never stop. i regretted the times i had pushed him away, the times i had hurt him, the times i had failed him.

but eventually the tears subsided and the pain lessened. i was able to push the dark memories from my mind and the gnawing pain turned into a slow throb. i was able to forgive myself from all the hurt i had caused him and i tried to make myself forget the regrets i have. but it was difficult. there are still times that the thoughts "if only i had..." cross my mind.

now i know that my wounds have partially healed. i'd be a liar and a hypocrite if i'd say that i have completely recovered. but with each passing day, i could feel the pain slowly ebbing, the wounds closing slowly and steadily. i always remind myself not to dwell upon the past too much and focus on the present. i have trained myself to show my affections to the people i love as often as i can. i always try to show the people i love how much i care for them. i try to forgive others for the wrong things they have done to me so that i won't dwell on my anger so much and consequently, regret the wasted time that i could have spent loving that person.

through him i have learned that the best way to ease the pain is spend your time loving others. love is the best antidote for pain. wasting time regretting the past would only make us blind to what's happening in the present. and eventually, when the present became the past, then it would only add up to the regrets we originally have. so i made a resolution: to live in the present and let the past stay in my memories.

i decided to make each day count. so that i would never again come to the point when my life would reflect the quote i placed at the beginning of this blog. because the truth is, despite the the many regrets i used to have regarding him and the painful times we've been through, i could never regret ever having met him. i could never regret meeting him, loving him, even losing him. he had taught me so much, especially the meaning of strength and the many forms of love. with him i had felt what it was like to be truly happy, to be so close to someone that you need not use words and gestures to make the other person understand.

not everyone experiences the things i've been through, so i don't really expect people to understand me. but im thankful for all those people who stood by me and helped me get through this.

pepot, chel, aiel, dan, nikki, jana and val,

i will be eternally be grateful to you guys for everything you've done for me. thank you for listening, for comforting, for loving. thank you for just being there, even though there are times when you said you didn't know what to say. the truth is, i really didn't want you to give me empty words of comfort, nor false reassurances that everything would be alright. i'm just glad that you were there by my side. i'm happy that you stayed there. i'm grateful that you allowed me to hold on to you, to cry on your shoulders.


i know i probably havent thanked you enough for everything you've done for me. i hope that we could be friends for as long as we could so that i could spend the rest of my life making up for all my "utang na loob sa inyo'.

happy birthday kyle...

/ come out /

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